WHEN DID I BECOME A CRANKY OLD MAN?

I’m a cranky old man.  I’m sure it’s not a shock to those who know me well -especially my wife- but when did this happen?  I remember when I became invisible to young woman; that happened in my thirties.  Okay, okay, I admit that I’ve likely always been invisible to most young woman, but that’s not the point.  The point is, when did I become cantankerous?  Someone referred to me that way recently, albeit jokingly.  I think.  The definition of cantankerous from Dictionary (dot) com is “disagreeable to deal with; contentious; peevish.”  Ah, now we’re getting somewhere!  “Peevish”.  I have to admit that I probably have more pet peeves than most people.  Yeah, “probably”.  I’ve noticed lately that absolutely everything annoys me.  A lot of people are aware of my obsession with people not returning their shopping carts to the rack when they’re done with them, but did you know I also hate the vast majority of commercials?  Not dislike, hate.  To the point where I change the channel or, at the very least, mute the sound?  For example, I can’t stand any commercial with precocious kids.  I want to reach into the TV and…never mind.  And I absolutely hate the commercials with the two old people who find a Swiffer on their doorstep.  The woman takes it out of the box and says, “…some kind of mopping device?”  Seriously, lady?  It’s not some incredibly intricate, high-tech gadget from the future!  It’s a freaking mop!!  There, see what I mean?  To paraphrase Gomer Pyle, “cranky, cranky, cranky”.  I can’t pinpoint the moment I became that old guy across the street who keeps your ball if it goes in his yard, but I seem to have arrived at that very spot.  I’ve also noticed that, as I get older, I’m more likely to just say whatever I’m thinking, too.  It’s like my filter isn’t filtering any more.  I accept that I’ve lost a step (or three) as I’ve gotten older.  I accept that my hair is deserting me.  But, cranky?  Me?  Oh yeah.

So I’ve decided that, since we’re starting a new year, I’m going to make a serious effort to lighten up.  I don’t think I’m technically old enough to be this cranky.  This is the year I’m going to let all those things that annoy me just roll off my back.  HEY, YOU!  PUT THAT SHOPPING CART WHERE IT BELONGS!!!  Hmmm.  I can see this isn’t going to be as easy as I’d hoped.